Monday, 15 October 2007
My normal approach is useless here
I wish emotions were like a biochemical pathway and we could disect them. You see, as well as being hit over the head with Buddha this weekend, I had a small crisis of sexuality. This has been going on for a while, it will probably continue to do so. Life sucks, what can you do? The thing is, emotions aren't discrete units. I find myself trying to seperate them out, like I would a bipchemical pathway, and that doesn't work here. I can't go and research the "mothers opinion" gene, or run some expreiments to see how, it at all, it's interacting with the sexuality complex. I can't remove societal expectations of lesbianism from the system and see if it still works. I can't take my emotions appart and I can act on just my emotion at all. As complicated as molecular systems are, at least we can disect them and thus come across some understanding of them. I only wish emotions worked like that.
Of course, to run with the analogy, it's always possible that in this system there's a block at "he likes me back" so I'm just freerunning, trying to work it out, but none of the output I'm generating is doing anyone any good.
Life is too hard.